While I previously had tortured myself by spending a night in a tent with a new friend, I certainly had not put myself deep in the woods in the midst of winter with peanuts in my pockets and a hammock and other equipment in a large sack strapped to my back. Here are five things I learned while putting myself at risk to be devoured by a bear.
You see the rest of these campers? There is no way I would NOT be devoured by a bear competing against these lengthy and athletic limbs. I consider myself more of a balanced person, so if the top 20% of the earth would could survive this apocalypse, I am confident that I would be fine.
Anyways, here are 5 moments of my hiking trip that made me think twice about being so cocky.
1. The chilly post-winter air
In case you didn't know, I HATE cold weather. I never wear enough layers, and there just seems to always be some sort of inconvenience associated with winter. Because of how beautiful it was the day before, I conditioned myself into believing that if I were able to feel the sun when I walked outside yesterday at 2 pm, I would be okay all through the two day trip and a few layers. Boy was I wrong.
AKA Nature's Bitch Slap, this air was the single most humbling part of the trip. No amount of open-air defecation, outdoor menstrual conundrums, nor hikes-uphill-because-we-lost-the-trail-but-didn't-get-lot will compare. This wind penetrated all four layers of winter jacket, raincoat, fleece, and dry fit long-sleeve and rocked me into an icy slumber. And my legs? Covered with leggings, warm sweats and all of the winter weight I previously thought was going to waste. Still not enough.
I'd like to take this time to thank my friends Gabe, Caroline, and Hannah, for donating their warmest socks, blankets and jackets so that I could nest myself inside of a below freezing sleeping bag for a few hours and call it sleep.
All jokes aside, I did get approximately 6.5 hours of sleep in below freezing temperature, which is about average for myself. I didn't think I could do it, but I did.
2. The satisfaction of a ramen bomb
While most diets are not very receptive to high carbohydrates this meal provided the significant energy needed for hiking (on a budget!) Using a packet of instant noodles as a base, just add mashed potato powder to the broth to significantly increase its heartiness.
3. GORP - Good Ol' Raisins and Peanuts
As someone who does not like raisins (Call me a child, I DO NOT CARE.), I spent way too much time picking out the peanuts and almonds out of this homemade trail mix. Apologizes to chef Hannah, whom I may have offended by rejecting 1/3 of her meal.
4. The beauty of nature
50 feet into the trail was the start of a mossy sanctuary. Large dusted boulders, blanketed logs and painted trees revealed tons of vegetation from the pristine trail. LNT was etched in thick black letters into carved wood that stood for an earth-lover's slogan:
Leave No Trace.
As intrigued as I was by the resilience of path, which was nearly overgrown by forestry in some areas, I was impressed by hikers' ability to leave behind no trace of their existence - other than a few pawprints that reflected some canine visitor had been walked earlier that day. Throughout the trail, there were sites for camping, but no trash cans, benches, pavement, or any other non-wood indicator that humans were to occupy the site. Maybe it is because humans were nearly visitors, and we were to stay in the guest room of natures pristinely kept home.
5. Riddles.
To make matters worse, I subjected myself to a total of 6 hours of camp counselor lateral thinking puzzles. While most of them were fun, I was subjected to the most torturous no/yes riddle of all time. Consider my brain teased.
While this trip was an incredible getaway from all of the pandemic stress, it certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone. I am too far to go back. May my newfound respect for hikers be sufficient enough to keep me away from the danger I call the woods.
The maximum amount of skin I could afford to show in the arctic tundra. That is, if the tundra was a cruel 31 degrees Fahrenheit.
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